IMHO

IN MY HUMBLE OPINION

Recently, a friend of mine gave birth to a healthy baby boy. He was born after 40 weeks of normal pregnancy, having had all the benefits of top-notch prenatal nutrition and medical care. His birth was smooth and uncomplicated, by every measure. Yet, he entered this world expressing adamant squalls of displeasure. He cried angrily at the moment of his birth, barely able to catch his breath, so angry was he. Who speaks for these language-less babes forced into the world, so loudly opposed to breathing, eating, drinking, and eventually walking about?

I am here to defend them. My dilemma is whether to sue the mother, the doctor, or the self-serving father, whose obvious agenda is procreation. It is a given that most newborns scream uncontrollably at the moment (or shortly after) of birth. This should not be. Birth should be every bit as calm and non-disruptive as any other milestone of life. It is an outrage that the most innocent and vulnerable among us should be subjected to such emotional torture, during such critical moments in the journey of life. This journey brings its own trail of tears, surely we can make birth tear-free.

Therefore, I support the new legislation which bans infants from crying within twelve months of birth. Surely, there are measures that can be taken to prevent such crying, short of the barbaric, regressive, archaic traditions of "nursing". Otherwise, we would not have plastic gadgets known as "binkies". Conventional wisdom teaches us that children do not learn to be unhappy until at least the voting age of 1 year.

Just my two rubles.